Official Product Catalog — Vol. 1

THE LINEUP

Six variants. Multiple legal statuses. One unforgettable euphemism. All products are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to substances currently in federal custody is the entire point.

Total Variants

Currently Available

In Federal Custody

Classified

Filter:6 results

AVAILABLE

SKU: DS-MV-001-FED

MAXIMUM VISCOSITY EDITION™

When you need it to stick — to nothing.

$999.99/ 55 Gallon Drum

★★★★★4.8 (n/a)

1,247 reviews

ViscosityExtremely High (Non-Newtonian)

Scent ProfileAmbiguous / Legally Inadmissible

Shelf LifeIndefinite (pending appeal)

Legal StatusUnder Review (Civil)

EVIDENCE

SKU: DS-FEB-002-DOJ

FEDERAL EVIDENCE BLEND™

Specially formulated for long-term government storage.

SEIZED/ Classified (see Exhibit B)

★★★★★5.0 (n/a)

3 reviews

ViscosityDocumented / Catalogued

Scent ProfileEau de Probable Cause

Shelf LifeDuration of proceedings

Legal StatusExhibit B, Case No. [REDACTED]

SOLD OUT

SKU: DS-FOR-003-LTD

FREAK OFF RESERVE™

Limited edition. Very limited. Federally limited.

$4,200.00/ 1 Gallon (Commemorative)

★★★★★3.2 (n/a)

No reviews (classified)

ViscosityLegendary

Scent ProfileNotoriety / Infamy

Shelf LifeForever (in the cultural memory)

Legal StatusSubject of ongoing proceedings

PENDING APPEAL

SKU: DS-BBO-004-OG

BAD BOY ORIGINAL™

The classic formula. Est. 1993. Currently under review.

$199.99/ 1 Gallon

★★★★★2.1 (n/a)

847 reviews

ViscosityClassic / Timeless

Scent ProfileNostalgia / Regret

Shelf Life30+ years (unfortunately)

Legal StatusUnder review by 120+ civil plaintiffs

CLASSIFIED

SKU: DS-KMP-005-PVT

FLAVORED MOISTURIZING LOTION™

From the KMP Private Collection. Do not ask about the flavor.

[REDACTED]/ Enough

★★★★★[REDACTED]

No reviews (classified)

ViscositySuspiciously Smooth

Scent ProfileProprietary. Distinctive. Unforgettable.

Shelf Life[REDACTED]

Legal StatusClassified / Sealed / From the Private Collection

AVAILABLE

SKU: DS-ASB-006-CRAFT

ARTISANAL SMALL BATCH™

Handcrafted. Cold-pressed. Subpoena-aged.

$89.99/ 8 oz (Boutique)

★★★★★4.1 (n/a)

312 reviews

ViscosityArtisanal / Pretentious

Scent ProfileNotes of Hubris, Finish of Regret

Shelf Life18 months (or until indictment)

Legal StatusTechnically Fine (For Now)

All products listed in this catalog are entirely fictional and exist solely for satirical purposes. No purchase is possible. No sauce exists. No sauce has ever existed within the jurisdiction of this website. Prices are fictional. Legal statuses are satirical. The Bad Boy Evidentiary Committee is not a real committee and cannot be held liable for anything, including but not limited to: disappointment, confusion, or the sudden urge to Google something you will immediately regret.