LEGAL
DISCLAIMERS
The following terms, conditions, advisories, and notices are presented in the spirit of thoroughness and the letter of absolutely no law. They are satirical. They are not legal advice. They were not written by a lawyer. They were written by someone who has watched a lot of legal dramas and found the baby oil thing very funny.
DOCUMENT: DIDDY-SAUCE-LEGAL-DISCLAIMER-v4.2.0
ISSUED BY: The Bad Boy Evidentiary Committee (Not a Real Committee)
EFFECTIVE DATE: The moment you started reading this
EXPIRATION DATE: Never, unfortunately
JURISDICTION: Nowhere legally binding
CLASSIFICATION: SATIRICAL / HANDLE WITH IRONY
PAGES: 8 sections, 24+ paragraphs, 0 actual legal protections
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This document constitutes the entire agreement between you and DIDDY SAUCE™, which is not a real company, regarding a product that does not exist, hosted on a website that definitely does exist, for purposes that are entirely satirical. By continuing to read, you agree to nothing. We just wanted to write this down.
DIDDY SAUCE™ is a satirical brand. It does not exist as a purchasable product. No bottles have been manufactured, filled, labeled, shipped, warehoused, or seized — except in the fictional sense, for comedic purposes. If you have somehow obtained a physical bottle of DIDDY SAUCE™, we would like to speak with you. Please do not contact us.
The product variants described on this website — including but not limited to Maximum Viscosity Edition, Federal Evidence Blend, Freak Off Reserve, Bad Boy Original, White Label Mystery Blend, and Artisanal Small Batch — are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual lubricants, seized or otherwise, is the entire point of the joke.
The Bad Boy Evidentiary Committee is not a committee. It is not affiliated with Bad Boy Records, Sean Combs, the FBI, the DOJ, the SDNY, or any other entity, real or fictional, that you might associate with the phrase "bad boy." We are simply people on the internet who found the baby oil thing very funny.
This entire website constitutes protected satirical commentary under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, the long and storied tradition of political and cultural satire, and the general principle that if you do something this publicly inadvisable, people are going to make jokes about it.
Satire is a literary device in which irony, exaggeration, and humor are used to criticize or comment on human behavior, particularly in the context of public figures and matters of public concern. We are doing that. This is that. You are reading that.
No statements on this website are presented as factual reporting. All "news clippings" are fictional. All "evidence" is satirical. All "product specifications" are invented. The Cease & Desist counter is a joke. The viscosity ratings are not real viscosity ratings. The scent profiles were written by someone who has never smelled any of these things and does not intend to.
If you are a lawyer considering sending us a cease and desist, please be advised that doing so will only increase our counter by one (1) and will be featured prominently in our next press clipping.
Executed This Day, In The Year Of Our Lord 2024, In The State Of Satire
Signature of Authorized Representative
The Bad Boy Evidentiary Committee
Signature of Website Visitor
(Implied by continued reading)
NOTARIZED BY: Nobody. This has not been notarized. Please stop asking.
WITNESSED BY: The FBI, probably. Hi.