EVIDENCE
LOCKER
The official exhibit wall of the Bad Boy Evidentiary Committee. All exhibits are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual federal evidence is the entire point. Some exhibits are sealed. You probably don't want to see those anyway.
8
Total Exhibits
4
Admitted
2
Sealed
1
Contested
Case No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT A
EXHIBIT A
[PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE]
Photographic documentation of lubricant storage facility, Property #1. Quantity: Staggering. Context: Unclear. Vibe: Deeply concerning.
September 16, 2024
VIEW FULL RECORDCase No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT B
INVENTORY MANIFEST — PROPERTY #1 — PAGE 1 OF [REDACTED]
... [REDACTED] additional line items. See pages 2–47.
Inventory manifest. 1,000+ units of lubricant. Itemized. Catalogued. Photographed. Wept over.
September 16, 2024
VIEW FULL RECORDCase No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT C
[CONTENT SEALED BY ORDER OF THE COURT]
Unauthorized access is a federal offense.
You probably don't want to see this anyway.
[REDACTED] — This exhibit has been sealed by order of the court. The description alone required a content warning.
[REDACTED]
VIEW FULL RECORDCase No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT D
MULTI-PROPERTY EVIDENCE MAP — CLASSIFIED
Scale: 1:1 with collective disbelief
Property map: Locations of all seized lubricant across multiple residences. The map required a legend. The legend required a disclaimer.
September 17, 2024
VIEW FULL RECORDCase No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT E
LUBRICANT DENSITY BY PROPERTY (LOGARITHMIC SCALE)
* P6 exceeds chart bounds. Chart has been extended. Chart is not okay.
Statistical analysis: Lubricant-to-square-footage ratio across all properties. The statistician has since retired.
October 3, 2024
VIEW FULL RECORDCase No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT F
EXHIBIT F
[PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE]
Witness statement: "I have never, in 20 years of federal service, seen anything like this. I would like to un-see it. I cannot."
October 12, 2024
VIEW FULL RECORDCase No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT G
[CONTENT SEALED BY ORDER OF THE COURT]
Unauthorized access is a federal offense.
You probably don't want to see this anyway.
[CLASSIFIED] — Access requires Level 5 clearance, a strong stomach, and the written consent of your therapist.
[CLASSIFIED]
VIEW FULL RECORDCase No. [REDACTED] — SDNY
EXHIBIT H
EXHIBIT H
[PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE]
The Wikipedia article edit history. 847 edits. 14 locks. 3 arbitration cases. One very tired volunteer moderator.
November 2024 — Ongoing
VIEW FULL RECORDAll exhibits displayed in this evidence locker are entirely fictional and exist solely for satirical purposes. No actual evidence has been obtained, stored, or tampered with by this organization. The Bad Boy Evidentiary Committee is not affiliated with the FBI, DOJ, SDNY, or any other federal agency. Any resemblance to actual case evidence is the entire point of the joke. Tampering with actual federal evidence is a crime. This website is not actual federal evidence. Please stop calling us.